Love is Always Stronger
by mi nyota
Summary: Love is always stronger ... even though that's sometimes hard to believe. A try on what should have happened after the fatal night, when Erica left Callie in front of the hospital...
1. Chapter 1

**Author: **minyota  
**Title: **Love Is Always Stronger  
**Disclaimer: **- nothing belongs to me - all shonda's  
**Rating: **G**  
****Summary: **Love is always stronger ... even though that's sometimes hard to believe. A try on what should have happened after the fatal night, when Erica left Callie in front of the hospital...

**Author's Note: **This is my first try on an actual fanfiction, apart from some poems I wrote. I'm not native in English, which is why I always had doubts, whether to put this story, that has rested on my computer for quite some time, finally online... But well, here it is ;) And at this part also a BIG THANKS to Munkie who beta'd the story!

Hope you enjoy reading!

+ I would die for some feedback :)

* * *

Her words still echo in my mind.

_I don't know you ... at all. _

I see her figure leaving. Without turning around she heads to the parking lot. I'm still standing there in the exact same spot, unable to do anything, unable to move, even unable to think. I just stand there, starring after her.

_I don't know you ... at all._

I want to call out her name, but my mouth isn't able to form a word. I want to run after her, but my feet are not moving. So I'm standing here, watching her leaving, unable to do anything to stop her.

When her figure vanishes behind the corner of the hospital building and I can't see her any more, tears start to fill my eyes. I still can't think clearly and my head still can't process what just happened. All that's in my head, is her last words and the utterly defeated look on her face when she looked at me before she turned around and left.

_I don't know you ... at all._

She left. Erica left me. And when this information finally reaches my head, I can't hold back the tears anymore and they roll down my cheeks uncontrolled as the first sob escapes my mouth.

As if the weather would want to express how I feel just now, I realize that it has started to rain. Little drops patter on my face, mixing with the salty tears running down my cheeks.

I don't know how long I've been standing here, outside the hospital in the rain, still staring in the direction Erica had left. I feel the wet fabric of my clothes cold against my skin and my wet hair is stuck to my face. But I don't care. I don't care about the rain or my wet clothes. I don't care about the icy wind or that I'm shivering.

It somehow feels good. It makes me feel better, as I think that this is what I deserve. I can't blame her for what happened tonight. I know that it was me who brought her to this point. That it was me, who left first by pushing her away when she opened up to me. She let me see her real self. Not just Doctor Hahn, the famous, unemotional, always correct and professional kick ass Cardio Goddess, but Erica, the woman that cries in her locked office when nobody sees her after losing a patient, that is scared of thunderstorms at night, that cuddles in bed after sex and that you need to hold and tell her that you won't leave so that she is able to go to sleep.

She let me see her vulnerability and her insecurity and I trampled her trust underfoot. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to be loved by a woman like Erica and most of all I don't deserve Erica herself.

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tbc..?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: A huge THANKS goes to **Kristen, Lozzy150, VillageVoice, edith418, Soap-Star-Bitch, metawolfagus, Frenchy chick for all your nice comments and encouragement!

Here's the next part, this time we get to see Erica's perspective of things...

Hope you enjoy reading!

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_Erica's POV:_

I turn around quickly and start heading towards the parking lot, where I parked my car this morning. When I reach it, I search my purse for my keys with shaky hands. When I finally find them, I want to put them in the lock but my still shaking hands make it impossible for me to hit the lock and my keys fall to the ground.

I swear when I bend down to pick them up. It has started to rain and getting up quickly I finally manage to open my car and get inside. When I sit in the drivers seat, I lean back, letting out an exhausted sigh.

How can she side with _Izzy Stevens_? How can she possibly take her side over mine? She chose to be on the side of the woman who destroyed her marriage. How? How can she say she wants to be with me the one day and side with _her _the other one?

When she told me she slept with Mark Sloan, I said okay. I said I would be okay with it because I was so scared to lose her. I was scared to not only lose her as my lover but also as my best friend and I know I couldn't take that. So I chose to try and forgive her. Maybe part of it also, as I knew that the fault wasn't on hers only, but that I should've given her more time and not scare her by running everything so fast. I know that that is what destroyed her marriage and that she's still scared to be betrayed like that again.

But this time, it was not her to be betrayed but it was her who betrayed me and the truth is, I'm far from being okay with that. It hurts, it hurts more than I ever imagined it could.

That's why I usually don't let people in. Why I don't open up to people and why I decided to become Dr. Hahn and stopped being Erica when I was with others. I spent years to built up walls to protect myself. Walls, which would protect me from being hurt again and protect my heart from being ripped again. It's easier to be Dr. Hahn, to be cold and unemotional. I don't care that most people generally don't like me because of that. Or at least I pretend that I don't care.

I started to hate being Erica, as Erica meant being weak, insecure and vulnerable. And I couldn't stand being weak or vulnerable, as that meant to give others the possibility to hurt me again. So I became less and less Erica, but more and more Doctor Hahn.

But when I met Callie, she managed to tear my so carefully built up walls down faster than I thought anybody ever could and too fast for me to do anything to prevent it. She came into my life and wasn't put off from my rough outside. She was the first one in a long time who was really interested in getting to know _me_. Erica.

She was the first person in a long time that I allowed to see who I really was, to see Erica. With her, being myself didn't feel like being week or insecure anymore, but it felt like coming back to life again.

By these thoughts I shake my head and quickly wipe away the tears that I didn't recognize running down my cheeks.

I turn the key and start the engine. With both hands on the steering wheel and my eyes staring straight ahead on the street, I started my way home. The windscreen wipers are going fast and I know that I'm driving too fast. But I don't care.

When I pull up my car into my driveway, I grab my purse, get out of the car and slam the door hard. I walk up to the front door and this time I manage to hit the lock at the first try.

Once inside I drop my purse and my wet coat to the floor, not caring about the mess. I put my keys on the counter when I walk into the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine.

Sitting down on the couch in the living room, my eyes wander through the room and they stop at the light blue blanket, lying next to me on the couch. I put down my goblet and reach out for the blanket, pulling it over me and burying my nose into the fabric, deeply inhaling the scent.

I remember how she came home from the hospital after a 48 hours shift yesterday and was complaining about the rain and the cold wind outside. Waiting for her on my couch, I wrapped her into my favorite blanket and pulled her between my legs and into my arms to hold her tight and warm up her cold body.

Shaking my head, I try to erase the memory of Callie on my couch from my head. I get up and leaving the blanket on the couch I decide that it'd be best to get out of my wet clothes and take a hot shower to clear my mind.

Stepping into the shower, I close my eyes when I feel hot water running over my cold skin. It feels good and for a moment I'm able to forget about the fight and about Callie.

I reach out for some shampoo with sill closed eyes and when I open it, I breathe in a soft smell of vanilla and papaya. The same sweet smell I used to breathe in, when I buried my head into Callie's neck and ran my fingers through her beautiful dark curls.

I sigh and turn the water from hot to freezing cold to let the water cool me down, before wrapping a towel around myself and stepping out of the shower.

Putting on some dry and clean clothes and pulling back my blow-dried hair in a loose ponytail, I grab my purse and keys and decide to go back to the hospital to do some paperwork. Even though I hate paperwork, at the moment anything feels better than being alone in a house where anything and everything reminds me of Callie.

Closing the door behind me, I get into my car and start the engine. A quick look on my watch tells that it's already 1 am. Two hours since I left Callie standing in front of the hospital after telling her I didn't know her.

I know that it's not true. I already knew it when I said it. I know her, probably better than anyone else in the world. And that's why I also know that I broke her tonight and I'm not sure whether I'll ever be able to fix her again.

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_review? - definitely a help for good thoughts and fast updates ;) -_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks so much to all reviewers again: **flowerbutterflyfairy, kenpogirl, lazysayzla, hispanic-nomad, VillageVoice, edith418! You guys definitely make me happy :)

I'm glad you like the story so far, and hope you'll also enjoy the next part of it. From now on it's going to be general POV, which indicates, that in this chapter Callie and Erica will finally bump into each other again ;)

Well, see how their story continues for yourself! Enjoy!

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Walking out of the hospital for the second time today after he was paged back in for an emergency when he was about to go home after his official shift ended, Mark Sloan decides to stop by at Joe's for a quick drink before heading home.

However these plans are destroyed quickly when he makes out a figure motionlessly standing in the pouring rain outside the hospital. He changes his direction and approaches the figure to identify her as Callie.

When he gently puts a hand on her shoulder she winces, but doesn't turn around to look at him.

"Callie? You okay?" he asks softly.

She isn't able to face him, nor to answer him. The only response is more sobs escaping her mouth. Her shoulders shake heavily and her whole body is shivering from the cold.

That's when Mark steps closer to look at her and then gently pull her into his arms. She drops her head onto his shoulder, continuing to sob and shake heavily. Drawing circles with his one hand on her back, his other rests on Callie's head, stroking her wet hair and tries to comfort her the best he can.

After a couple of minutes, when her sobbing has gotten less, he gently pulls her away a bit to look at her.

"Callie, how long have you been standing here outside the hospital in the rain?" he asks, pushing some stray strands of wet hair behind her ear.

When the younger doctor just shrugged her shoulders, he puts his arm around her shoulder and tries to push her towards the hospital: "Seriously, your clothes are completely soaked and you're shaking like a leaf. Come on, you need some dry clothes and get some rest."

"No", she protests with just a croak when she remains standing where she has been the last 2 hours.

"Callie .."

"No, I can't … I … ", she swallows hard, tears still running down her cheeks "… deserve it… I betrayed her… but" starting to sob again, she's not able to finish her sentence and Mark pulls her into his arms again.

"Shhhh… Everything is going to be fine, Callie. I promise", he whispers in her ear, holding her close.

Still shaking, she croaks, her voice being hard to understand: "I can't … I can't live without her Mark. I…" While holding her, Mark feels how her body suddenly stiffens and her voice is clear now, even though it's barely above a whisper "Erica."

Losing his grip on his friend he is holding, the older doctor turns around to meet the eyes of the blond cardio surgeon, who stops dead in her tracks when her eyes meet Marks, his arm still around Callie.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to:** asc11, VillageVoice, J, Kristen Miss, Wolfsbane, lazysayzla, hispanic-nomad

I don't want to beat around the bush for long, read yourself!

hope you enjoy this 4th part of it :)

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When she arrives at the hospital 20 minutes later, the rain has stopped. Grabbing her purse and keys, she gets out of her car and heads to the entrance of the hospital.

Letting her eyes wander over the nearly empty parking lot and the entrance area of the hospital, she stops dead in her tracks, when she sees two figures locked in a tight embrace.

When Sloan suddenly turns around and directly meets her eyes, she feels the strong urge to punch his face with her bare fist. Resisting that urge, she quickly changes her direction, deciding that being in an empty house, reminding her of common moments with Callie, was definitely better, than seeing her together with _Sloan._

She was just about to get into her car, when a strong hand grabs her shoulder, turning her around.

She spins around, looking at him furiously when she starts yelling: "What?! What do you want Sloan?! Rub it in my face? Well, go for –"

Interrupting her, he is almost shouting out her name: "Erica!"

She immediately stops talking, but still looks at him, as if she was just going to rip his heart out with her bare hand.

The plastic surgeon lowers his voice when he continues talking to the furious blond in front of him.

"You listen very carefully to me now Hahn, I don't know what you did to her. And that is probably a very good thing for you, cause otherwise I couldn't promise to not shake you long enough, till some brain falls down from heaven and you are able to think again clearly. So, as I said, I don't know what you did to her, but she has been standing in the pouring rain for God knows how long, she's shivering and sobbing something about deserving it. I don't know how you did it, and I don't care, but _you_ are going to fix this RIGHT NOW!"

Shouting out the last to words, he lets go of her shoulder. He quickly walks back to Callie, who is sitting at the edge of one of the benches next to the entrance by now, whispers something in her ear and then leaves into the direction of Joe's bar.

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Standing there, she is speechless. Doctor Erica Hahn is speechless. That was definitely not what she had expected Sloan to do or tell her.

The blond still stands in front of her car, for a moment unable to move when her eyes find the raven beauty sitting on the bench barely 20 feet away from her. On _their_ bench. How could she ever forget the moment when Callie had kissed her for the first time, here in front of that hospital.

Slowly Erica starts to walk towards Callie. The closer she approaches, the more her heart starts to ache. Seeing Callie like that almost kills her. The younger woman hasn't looked up yet. She is sitting on the bench, her knees pressed to her body. Her face is buried in her hands and her shoulders are shaking heavily as sobs well over her whole body.

When Erica is standing directly before, she kneels down in front of her. She has no idea how she's supposed to react, what she's supposed to do or whether Callie does even want to see her. After all it's her fault, that this beautiful and usually always happy and lively young woman has been sitting in front of the hospital, in the pouring rain for almost two hours.

A huge wave of guilt suddenly overcomes her and for a short moment she is not sure whether it wouldn't be better to leave instead of possibly causing even more pain by staying. But then she remembers Marks words and looking up to the sobbing woman in front of her, she knows that she could never forgive herself if she left again.

Unsure of how to comfort the crying Callie, the blond reaches out to rest her hands on the sides of the younger woman's lower legs. Her voice barely louder that a whisper, she softly starts to speak.

"Callie", she pauses, thinking of the rights words that could express how she feels.

Callie still hasn't lifted her head and isn't looking at the woman sitting in front of her. Her body stiffens when she feels hands, touching her legs gently. Even though those warm hands on the wet and cold fabric of her jeans feel utterly good and send chills through her whole body, she starts to stiffen and presses her face harder against her palms.

Not being able to see the woman, she knows her heart was longing for more than anything else, in a state like this, Erica pulls back her hands and stands up. It's killing her inside and she wants nothing more than to stop the younger woman's pain. Standing now directly before Callie, she reaches down, gently tugs her shaking shoulders and pulls her up and into her arms.

She holds her as close to her body as she can, one hand gently running up and down her back, the other one stroking her wet but still beautiful hair.

Neither of them know how long they have been standing there like that, holding each other as if their lives would depend on it. When Callie finally manages to stop crying, Erica pulls away a few inches to look at her. Their eyes lock, when Erica lifts her hand to wipe away the salty wet tracks the tears have left on Callie's cheeks and pushes a strand of ebony hair behind her ear.

"Erica…", her voice is nothing more than a croak, but at least she seems to gain control over her mouth and limbs again. " I… I'm so … so sorry for hurting you. I never meant –", but she is cut of by strong arms that pull her into another tight embrace, Erica' head resting on her shoulder.

"Shhh, baby, I'm here now. I know you never meant to and besides I'm the one that should you how sorry I am. I am Cal, I really am sorry for … what I did to you." Feeling the younger woman shivering in her arms, she gently pulls away again.

"Cal, I know we have to talk about this and we will talk about it, but", cupping Callie's soft face with one hand she continues with a sigh "you're shaking like a leave. You need dry clothes and I think we both need some rest. Why don't you … I mean, why don't you let me take you home to my place. Let me take care of you and then we will talk tomorrow."

Closing her eyes, Callie just nods lightly and when Erica takes her hand to lead her to her car, she follows.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** here goes the next and last but one chapter! I know it's short, hope you like it nevertheless.

**thanks** for all your comments: J, lazysayzla, hispanic-nomad, kenpogirl, murphy3, edith418, flowerbutterflyfairy, VillageVoice, asc11, Miss Wolfsbane!

Enjoy!

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The 20 minute ride home to Erica's house is quiet, neither of them talking. After some minutes of complete silence, Callie starts to shift in her seat, carefully avoiding to meet icy blue eyes, anytime Erica would turn to give her a quick look, checking whether she's ok.

When Erica notices, she reaches out to take Callie's cold hand in hers, softly stroking it with her thumb. She doesn't let go of the younger woman's hand, until she pulls up in front of her house. After getting out of her black SUV, she quickly walks towards the other side of the car and opening the door of the passengers seat, she offers Callie her hand to help her climb out of the car.

Still avoiding to meet the blonde's eyes, Callie takes the offered hand and lets Erica lead her to the front door and into the house.

Taking off her own and Callie's wet coat, the cardio doctor drops them on the floor carelessly. They enter the kitchen and Erica immediately starts to put a pot with water on the stove and searches for a mug that she places beside the stove.

The brunette still hasn't moved from the doorframe where Erica had left her standing a couple of minutes ago. When the blonde turns around to look at her, her eyes are facing the floor and her hands fumble nervously with the hem of her shirt.

When the water boils and the blonde pours some of the hot water and a tea bag in the mug, she moves towards the still nervous fumbling and shivering young doctor. She gently tries to lift her chin only to see her closing her eyes and turning her head to the side, escaping pleading blue eyes. "Callie, why won't you look at me? I… - please Cal, look at me."

Still not looking up, Callie finally brings up the courage to form words after minutes of silence that seemed like forever.

"Erica", she pauses and clears her throat before she continues "What I did… I mean, when I walked away from you and to M-" she swallows hard "I just … I was scared and freaked out and.. and I never meant to.. to hurt you. Believe me I never wanted to hurt you. And tonight… when you… you left, I thought I had … lost you. And even though I … I know I don't deserve you and I don't deserve this", she motions her hands towards Erica and the steaming mug, she still holds in her hands, "I can't. I can't live without you and I'm so… so sor-" new tears find their way down Callie's cheeks, when Erica puts the steaming cup she is holding on the counter and closes the distance between her and the crying raven beauty.

She pulls her into a tight embrace, holding the younger woman as close as she can.

"Shhhh… Cal… baby, it's okay. Nothing of this matters right now. I'm here now and you're here with me. That's all what matters now. I know I was wrong. It's me who should be apologizing. I was upset and angry … but I…. that still didn't give me the right to hurt you and to … leave you. I never want to lose you, believe me." She carefully pulls away only inches to find the eyes of the other woman. When she notices that they still are locked to the floor, she gently cups the caramel colored cheek with her hand and uses her thumb to carefully brush away the salty drops, while at the same time she feels tears watering her own eyes.

Swallowing hard, the blonde averts her gaze as well and blinks away her tears.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Finally here comes the last part of it. Sorry to all those who wanted to see their _talk. _It's not going to happen... First I was sure that I would write the talk and put it in, but while writing and with the developing storyline, I changed my mind and found that I want to leave that part open. Nevertheless I hope you'll like this last bit and enjoyed reading the story.

One last time **THANKS **to all who left a review throuout the story! You guys are truly awesome!

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_She carefully pulls away only inches to find the eyes of the other woman. When she notices that they still are locked to the floor, she gently cups the caramel colored cheek with her hand and uses her thumb to carefully brush away the salty drops, while at the same time she feels tears watering her own eyes._

_Swallowing hard, the blonde averts her gaze as well and blinks away her tears. _

"You should, I mean maybe it would be best to-" she pauses and swallows again to stop the lump in her throat from growing "you should get out of your wet clothes. I could.. I mean you could take a hot bath and then get some rest."

The only answer the brunette is able to give at this moment is a small, barely noticeable nod. She then feels a shaky hand, touching her own cautiously, almost questioningly, that gently pulls her towards the stairs and to Erica's bathroom.

The blonde only lets go of the other woman's hand to open the faucet, allowing hot water to slowly fill the bathtub. She then immediately is back at Callie's side and gently helps her to pull her completely soaked shirt over her head and to undress herself.

When the brunette is now completely naked, her shivering gets even heavier and the cool air on her bare skin gives her whole body gooseflesh.

Taking Erica's extended hand, chills are sent through Callie's whole body immediately when the soft and warm ivory skin meets her own caramel one and she let the blonde help her into the tub.

The hot water feels like needles on her cold skin at first and it takes a few minutes until she allows herself to lean back in the tub and relax her neck into the small and soft pillow Erica had placed there before.

She closes her eyes only to open them wide again, when she hears almost silent steps moving towards the door. When she sees the blonde surgeon's slim fingers clenching around the door handle and she realizes that she is about to leave, she finds her voice. She knows she can't take it to be alone right now. Or, maybe the truth is she can't take it _to be without Erica_, she corrects herself.

"Erica…"

By the pleading voice Erica immediately stops dead in her tracks. Her fingers let go of the door handle and she turns around. Her gaze finds the younger woman, who is now sitting with her hand clenched around the edge of the tub.

For the first time this evening blue eyes meet deep brown ones and their gazes lock. For a short moment both women seem to get an insight into each others souls, just by sinking in each others eyes.

"Please Erica… would you, I mean, could you just please stay here with me? I-" she pauses "I don't think I can watch you leaving again."

"Oh Cal, I …" with quick steps she walks towards the tub and kneels down in front of it, covering Callie's hand with one of her own. Cupping her soft face with the other one, she swallows.

"Cal, I'm so sorry. Of course I'll stay. I'm here. And I always will be here, right next to you. I'm not going to make the same mistake again and walk away from you. You're… you're all I have." Stroking the soft skin of Callie's cheek with her thumb, a single tear escapes her own eyes. "I'll always be here."

Neither of them knows how long they've been sitting there like this, Callie in the hot tub, Erica on the cold floor holding each others hand.

The cardiothoracic surgeon however is the first one to move, when she gets up and extends her hands to help Callie to get out of the bathtub. She carefully dries her body with a towel and then wraps her in her own soft blue one.

Sitting the younger woman down on the edge of the tub, she leaves into her bedroom to get some sweatpants and a fleecy hoody. Handing them to Callie, she tells her to meet her downstairs before she leaves the room for a second time so that the other woman can get dressed.

Waiting in the living room, Erica turns around when she hears the familiar creak of the wooden stairs and sees Callie walking down them. Her hair is still wet and her eyes are red and swollen from too much crying, but still Erica thinks she never looked more beautiful than she does right now.

Never loosing eye contact, Callie continues walking towards her and stops right in front of the fireplace, where Erica had lit a fire, which floods the room with warm and soft light and crackles soothingly.

She shyly lowers her gaze to her bare feet and starts to bite her bottom lip. Something she always does when she is thinking or nervous.

When Erica sees her like that, she can't refrain a little smile.

"Come here, Cal" she softly says while extending her hand.

Taking the offered hand, Callie lets herself pull into the older woman's arms and slides into her embrace easily.

She rests her head on Erica's soft chest and puts her arms around her waist when she feels how strong arms pull her closer and a soft light blanket covers their bodies.

Closing her eyes and listening to the steady heart beat of the woman, her head rests upon and who holds her tightly, Callie's breathing steadies and she's asleep within only minutes.

Stroking her fingers through the sleeping woman's ebony curls, the blonde doctor still has a smile on her lips. She knows that both of them had made mistakes and she knows that they will have to talk about this. But she also knows that she holds the woman she truly loves in her arms and that she will never let her go. She knows that she wants to be with her for the rest of her life and even better, that Callie wants to be with her, too. Even though that might not be their last fight, she knows that this first one has shown that their love will always be stronger.

_The End_


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